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Do you want to know how and when to say yes to keep your wife happy and how and when to say no to make your wife happy? Is it possible? Can you do it?
Of course, you can and no it isn't hard!
I've taught courses in communications where I have espoused the notion: "Say ‘yes' every chance you get". I've also taught courses in Stress and Time Management that say "Just say no." So what is it? I'm going to suggest to you that there is a time and a place for each - but the key to remember is that you are always saying "yes" to building an even greater relationship with your wife and "no" to the outside influences that can detract from that relationship.
In a relationship, yes is a very good little word to call upon especially when you are focusing on how to make your wife happy and how to keep your wife happy! Being open and positive to the events that take place in a relationship can help to rejuvenate, invigorate and fulfill a couple's joy of each other.
It can make a good marriage into a great one.
Let me tell you an unhappy story about Susan and Stewart. These two were having troubles in their marriage when I met them. Susan liked to hang out with the folks she worked with in her law firm and to volunteer for a "stopping the poverty" group. Stewart was an artist. His time was taken up with clients and other artists. Susan told me that she didn't feel heard in their marriage and that Stewart only talked about his "artisty" kind of life and interests. She told me that she finally put her foot down and created the rule "There will be no more talk of work in this house." For Stewart that meant nothing about his love of art could filter in. If he did start to talk about it, he told me that Susan would stamp her foot and say "You are breaking the rules! I don't want to hear about it! Lalalala!" and she would plug her ears.
You can clearly see that things were not going in the right direction and the decree was hastening their journey to divorce. There was a lot of ‘NO' happening! After a chat with me, the couple agreed to look for things they could do together. When they came to see me again, things weren't any better. Stewart had bought them tickets for dinner and to a fundraising auction. Sounds like fun. But it was for the Art collective he belonged to and it was all his artistic friends. Susan felt like she had been duped. We are spending time together - right where I don't want to be. It was at that point that we brainstormed places in the middle where they could meet. We put up a big piece of paper on the wall and started listing things that each one liked to do that didn't involve their current activities. We determined that they needed to find things they could say yes to together. The rest of the story is that Stewart and Susan decided to get involved in a project that would help homeless kids who were living in their downtown core. Stewart worked with them to discover their creativity and found neat venues for them to take on these activities while Susan lobbied for funds for a shelter. They were able to use their interests and talents to work together on the project. The last I heard there was a lot of "YES" in their present life!
Some helpful guidelines that come from that story that may be of help to you:
1. Find in between places that both of you can enjoy together
2. Make friends based on this new interest
3. Allow time in your marriage or partnership for doing things apart
4. Allow yourself to be included sometimes in your spouse's activities
5. Say yes whenever you can
6. Be creative in finding new ways to interact together
If you are feeling uncomfortable but are looking at ways to say yes, perhaps you could find a way to say yes to some rather than all. For example to keep both you and your wife happy, you might try a statement like "Yes, I'd love to spend time with you Honey and I would love to go to the dinner portion of the (event) however I'll duck out afterwards so I can (reason)". Or "It will be great to have your sister here for a week, however, I will still have to attend the meetings that I have scheduled, so let's plan a big family dinner on the Friday night so I get a chance to visit her too."
My husband and I find opportunities to do things together but not all the time. And some things I suggest he actually says "Yuck" too (that is a form of no!) but we find enough to keep us energized and invigorated about our relationship together. And I still golf with the girls on Thursdays!
Here are some great "Yes" phrases you can use:
Yes, it is about finding ways to make things work and be fun and enjoyable for both the partners in the marriage.
Good luck and Yes! I know you can do it!